


And He Was Beneath

by DemonicCupcake



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Coping, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Heavy Emotions, Metaphors, Poetic, Spoilers, analogies, just my thoughts on grief, right after ep. 24, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 08:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17240693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicCupcake/pseuds/DemonicCupcake
Summary: sometimes you drown because the universe forces you tobut most of the times you'll find that you'll sink your head under the surface on your own volition.Eiji Okumura just hated goodbyes.





	And He Was Beneath

**Author's Note:**

> my first BF fic and right into the new year!! _and it's angst, what fun_. 
> 
> may i warn you first, that these are mostly pure word vomit of poetry that i needed to let out. it's short, but hopefully you enjoy!

     The bid goodbyes melted into a puddle of warmth in the cusp of his free palm. It dripped along his fingers, spilling in heavy drools onto the pavement. He let it be. He had no use for goodbyes. They almost always solidified into the realities he hated so much. So he let them be. He let them paint a colorful steak down his pale arm.

 

     "----chan! E-Ei-chan! Eiji! A-Ash is---!"

 

     The words weaved itself into the open air and for a moment, he considered never taking in another inhale again. He thought that if he held his breath long enough, those words would never make it into his systems.

 

     No such luck. 

 

     They sneaked into the corners of his eyes, bringing a sharp pain that lighted his chest on fire. He seemed to be dreaming and hyper-focusing at the same time, feeling as if he was floating in another dream and watching as everything around him sharpen visually.

 

     He didn't let those words get any further, though. He refused to let them. If he did, it would make them all the more real, all the more consuming. He wouldn't be able to handle the sheer knowledge he'd have to live with for the rest of his life. He might never be able to actually _live_ , for all he knew.

 

     Eiji Okumura would not allow those words to consume him.

 

     But they did.

 

     They were bound to, sooner or later. Regardless, the full pain that came along with it was beautifully heinous.

 

     And it was then that he almost wished he didn't let all of the sticky goodbyes drip pathetically onto the ground below. He wished he could have at least kept them in a jar, one which he could pick up during the darkest of nights to turn to for reassurance. One which would remind him that indeed, they were useless.

 

     The thought was enough to squeeze out the first few tears. Then came the wave.

 

     There was nothing to feel, and yet he was crying. All the sounds around him mixed into palettes of indistinguishable colors in his head, blending into the screams that vibrated against his skull. He was screaming. He must be. He couldn't feel it, though. But he must be.

 

     His throat was quenching itself of the wreckage that gnawed at his heart, desperately trying to let out all the confusion and the madness into incomprehensible yells and sobs. There was nothing to feel, and yet he was crying.

 

     There was nothing to feel. There was nothing to feel.

 

     The thought made everything all the more worse and in between his sobs, he almost wished the world would disappear--- taking him and everything, everyone in it. 

 

     But he knew, deep down inside, he didn't really want that. The pavement onto which his goodbyes lay in puddles. He didn't want that to disappear. Even when there was one particular goodbye he wished he hadn’t gotten.

 

     So he stayed like that. For minutes? Hours? Days? Time was irrelevant when the person you willingly sacrificed it to was gone now. 

 

     But the hands that held him were warm and understanding, somehow reaching deep into his soul to comfort him. They were patient, holding him tightly as he ripped his voice apart with the screams and the cries that his body forced out of him. He was trembling badly. But the hands still held their firm grip, not allowing him to let go. His mother? Ibe-san? Someone… someone else? He didn't know. He just wished they'd never leave. He wished they didn’t have to.

 

     He peeked a glance between his shaking fingers and caught a glimpse of his goodbyes. They surrounded him, engulfing him in wet waves that rolled up his knees. He choked on a sob. He really shouldn't have collected that goodbye. He really shouldn’t have taught him that word.

 

     Because now it was creeping up to him, all the way up to his neck, this one goodbye.

 

     Eiji took a deep breath.

 

     And let himself fall into the ocean that swallowed him whole.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me and my art on my twitter as [King](https://twitter.com/insubordinating)! thank you for reading!


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